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May. 4th, 2009 11:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anansi133I woke up this morning thinking about crushes, mostly in the abstract. When someone talks about "mental illness" it's usually about something they don't expect the afflicted to ever recover from. Bipolar, scizophrenia, autism. There doesn't seem to be the equivalent of a cold or flu in the mental health category.
But I think the crush would certainly qualify. Like most mental illness, we know it through the symptoms more than the cause. If the afflicted feels optimistic about the crush, they might call it New Relationship Energy. If they're of a psychological bent, they might call it cathexis. Infatuation is a good label for after the fever has broken.
Just as the CDC has a list of 'best practices' for colds and flu, there should be a similar list for those afflicted by a crush. I don't know how to write thse up in a chicken-soup sort of way, but when I come down with a crush, I've got a pretty standard checklist of practices I try to work through.
1) Does my crush object need to still function in my presence, outside of any fantasy friendship we might strike up?
If the answer to this is "yes", then I usually find it imperative to try to excuse my behavior in the least demanding way possible. something like, "You might want to be a little more careful than usual around me, because I have a crush on you and I'm not able to separate fact from fantasy where you're concerned, at least for the time being"
The important thing here is make no demands: For the purposes of the job at hand, I don't need to know if you like me, if I have a chance with you, if we might make babies together... I need to keep the job happening with a minimum of distraction. If you know I'm more distractable than usual, it might help you get your job done without getting sucked into my mental illness.
(If lightning strikes and the crush happens to be mutual, then the crush object is in just as much trouble as I am, and there's no alternative but to let the fever take its course. But if that's the case, there's little I can do or say to encourage or prevent it.
2) If there's no need to deal with the crush object outside friendship, then I might be able to enjoy the having the crush without actually popping the issue. When this works out, I can juice an unpopped crush for six months at a time or more, just enjoying my Walter Mitty internal fantasy life without knowing or caring what the crush object thinks of me. Then when it's finally run its course and I can see the person as a person again, there's no reason for them to think any less of me.
3) there is no #3 yet. but there probably needs to be.
But I think the crush would certainly qualify. Like most mental illness, we know it through the symptoms more than the cause. If the afflicted feels optimistic about the crush, they might call it New Relationship Energy. If they're of a psychological bent, they might call it cathexis. Infatuation is a good label for after the fever has broken.
Just as the CDC has a list of 'best practices' for colds and flu, there should be a similar list for those afflicted by a crush. I don't know how to write thse up in a chicken-soup sort of way, but when I come down with a crush, I've got a pretty standard checklist of practices I try to work through.
1) Does my crush object need to still function in my presence, outside of any fantasy friendship we might strike up?
If the answer to this is "yes", then I usually find it imperative to try to excuse my behavior in the least demanding way possible. something like, "You might want to be a little more careful than usual around me, because I have a crush on you and I'm not able to separate fact from fantasy where you're concerned, at least for the time being"
The important thing here is make no demands: For the purposes of the job at hand, I don't need to know if you like me, if I have a chance with you, if we might make babies together... I need to keep the job happening with a minimum of distraction. If you know I'm more distractable than usual, it might help you get your job done without getting sucked into my mental illness.
(If lightning strikes and the crush happens to be mutual, then the crush object is in just as much trouble as I am, and there's no alternative but to let the fever take its course. But if that's the case, there's little I can do or say to encourage or prevent it.
2) If there's no need to deal with the crush object outside friendship, then I might be able to enjoy the having the crush without actually popping the issue. When this works out, I can juice an unpopped crush for six months at a time or more, just enjoying my Walter Mitty internal fantasy life without knowing or caring what the crush object thinks of me. Then when it's finally run its course and I can see the person as a person again, there's no reason for them to think any less of me.
3) there is no #3 yet. but there probably needs to be.
